How Mr Men’s Mr Jelly can teach us how to manage stress and anxiety

“All you have to do is count up to ten, and you’ll find that whatever’s frightening you isn’t so quite so frightening after all”… the Tramp’s advice to Mr Jelly

Roger Hargreaves

Having had a hectic few weeks at work my colleague presented me with a book, Mr Jelly, from the Mr Men series. It felt like I had forever been chasing my tail with clashing deadlines, like so many of us are, and upon giving it to me, he said “my daughter says you just have to learn to breathe like Mr Jelly, she said you can borrow her book”. Curiously I had a quick read and discovered that I had forgotten what I had read as a child and the relaxation tips that I share with my clients. This book’s key message is that by counting and breathing we can create a sense of calm which is key to managing stress.

In the book. Mr Jelly begins to count each time he panics or feels scared. Every time this happens he begins to use his new counting technique. As he does, he realises that by taking the time to focus through counting, he no longer feels frightened of what he originally perceived to be a threat.

In our everyday lives it is easy to feel overwhelmed, managing multiple responsibilities at home and work, being contacted via various social media channels as well as by traditional phone and email, cooking the right food and doing enough exercise. Sometimes it can feel like  our minds just don’t have any more spare capacity to deal with all these demands and we start to feel understandably anxious and on edge.

Breathing for health

We can use breathing techniques to calm our minds but they’re actually really good for keeping our bodies well. When we feel stressed and anxious we activate our stress response (also known as fight or flight), which hijacks our nervous system, flooding it with cortisol – the stress hormone. The problem with this is that all of our key organs and systems within our body are managed by our nervous system. The usual functioning of our bodies stop when we activate the stress response because the body is going on stand-by and switching to its survival mechanism; all the blood rushes away from your organs to your muscles to help you fight or flight even though this isn’t actually required. This is ok now and then, but frequent activation of this kind of response can lead to chronic health issues overtime.

Breathing to balance the body

In our body we have the sympathetic function and the parasympathetic function. The sympathetic function is responsible for the stress response which fires up when our brain thinks we need to take action urgently. To turn this off we have to learn to activate the parasympathetic function which enables us to relax. We can kick-start the relaxation response through deep breathing from our tummies and taking long breaths in and out.

7/ 11 breathing

Its not the nicotine that relaxers a smoker, it’s the breath. If you watch a smoker, you’ll notice that their exhale is always longer than their inhale and through doing so they are activating their relaxation response. How often have you heard a smoker say, “I feel so much better now” or “I feel so much calmer for having that cigarette” – now you know why.

The inhale exhale technique that smokers use is the same as 7/11 breathing. I learned this during my training to be a hypnotherapist to help my clients relax and soothingly transition into a relaxing trance state.

This is how you breathe to bring about a sense of calm and space:

• Breathe in for 7
• Breathe out for 11
• As you do, focus on breathing in from your belly and exhaling all the way out
• Focus on your breath by imagining it has a colour to it, I like to use a golden, warming sunshine yellow or sometimes a cooling blue colour with my clients.
• Alternatively you can imagine a picturesque scene, maybe a beautiful place you’ve visited, and just imagine relaxing there.
• After 3-4 minutes you should really notice the difference in yourself and how much calmer and clear headed you feel.

If the count of 7/11 feels too long you can shorten it, just make sure the out breath is longer than the inhale i.e 5/9.

Heart Math

• Place your hand on your heart and focus your attention on your heart and the area around it.
• Start to take deep belly breaths for 5 to 6 seconds both on the inhale and exhale and eventually you’ll find your heart’s natural rhythm.
• After a few rounds start to visualise something happy like a fond memory of family and friends. Focus on breathing that memory into your heart and back out again into the world or to the people you are thinking of.
• Focus on breathing that love in to your heart and back out again.
• Continue to breath in this way for 5-6 minutes. Notice how much happier and positive you feel afterwards.

This kind of breathing not only activates the relaxation response, it also sends powerful signals to our brain that we are ok and helps us to feel happy. Getting to know our own heart rhythm by regularly practicing Heart Math breathing can support our brain to function more efficiently, improving our creativity, intuition and decision making skills.

You can find out more about Heart Math here.

If there is one thing we were all born to do – it’s breathe. It’s the body’s built in healing mechanism and these two techniques are really simple and very effective. The bonus is that you can use them pretty much anywhere whether it’s on public transport, in the office or at home.

Give them a try and let me know what you think, 

Hx

Your vibe attracts your tribe – how to build great friendships at the gym

I have met so many amazing people from just smiling and moving; it’s a universal language.

Chris Odle 

Goofy smiles shared by friends – between 7am and 8.30am everyday we have the time of our lives

Gyms and exercise classes can create the most incredible little pockets of community. I never anticipated that I would be make so many intimate friendships in my late twenties. By attending regular gym classes I have met new people who have given me the opportunity to uncover things about myself and my body that I didn’t know existed – my love for movement and yoga are two of them.

In my experience, friendships formed at the gym can help us to peel back a layer of ourselves and reveal passions, motivations and strengths we aren’t aware of. They can also help us to understand the old beliefs we hold about ourselves, that no longer serve us and are holding us back. Friends do this by supporting us to challenge what we think our bodies are capable of and help us to stay focused on our goals.

These types of friends sound pretty rad right? Here’s the magic formula to finding them….

1. Smile

It’s so simple but smiling actually makes all the difference. When I work out at 7am, the members at my gym see me in my truest and rawest form – sleepy, scruffy hair and likely to still be rubbing sleepies out of my eyes. I sound delicious right? Seriously though, a big smile can enable us to all transform, and a grin alongside a simple “morning” and an upbeat “how are you doing” will put anyone at ease. Start doing this and see what happens over time.

I smile and acknowledge everyone, sometimes people don’t always smile back but you’ll find that in time, they will do. Be gently persistent, people can feel really shy and vulnerable at the gym.

2. Find the busiest classes

If you see a large group of people working out together in a freestyle area or in an exercise class and they all look like they’re having a super time, ask them why. Ask them what’s good about it and what other classes or sessions they recommend. If you decide to attend the next time it’s on, you can thank them for it and ask them how they’ve been. Just from that alone you’ve built a connection.

3. Choose the time of day that you can regularly workout

Consistency is everything. If there is a certain time of day that only works for you (generally it will be around work or childcare) the chances are, it will be the same for others members. Pick one time of day and you’ll meet a group of people who you have something in common with immediately.

I go to the gym in the mornings before work and the people who I have bonded with have made the same lifestyle choice. Through busy times at work, through the dark mornings, the wind and the rain we all keep a check on each other. It makes all the difference to know that when you’re feeling tired and cold on a train first thing in the morning that there is a friendly face or two, waiting for you in the gym.

4. Chat with the class instructors or gym staff

Class instructors and gym staff are at the center of it all. Introduce yourself when they ask is anyone new to the class and say thank you when the class finishes. This group of people help nurture and grow the whole gym community and they are a great contact to have. By building a connection with them you’ll be introduced to other like-minded people.

5. Approach the people that inspire you

I never thought I would want to make shapes like this, let alone be able to do it six months ago

Never be intimidated by the people that inspire you in the gym – remember they were exactly where you are now at some point in their fitness journey. Comment on whatever it is they’re doing that inspires you and even consider asking them for advice on how you can progress. In my experience, people will always take the time out to share their tips with you. You never know where asking a simple conversation may lead you too.

Don’t ever feel as though you can’t approach the person who is looking super serious as they stretch on the mat beside you. Like me, it’s probably just their concentration face when actually they’d probably much rather chat as they stretch to pass the time.

6. Chat

I love working out, but I love it more when I’ve had a quick chat at the start of class with some of the regulars. By talking, we are connecting and when we’re connected we feel part of something more powerful than just ourselves – it feels like we’re truly in it together. It’s that feeling of being in a team that makes you work and sweat harder.

7. Don’t rush off

Sticking around after class to continue to stretch or play is the perfect time to bond. If you’re working towards something in particular – whether it’s strength, flexibility or endurance, share your dream with the people that surround you. Both staff and members can be an amazing resource for advice and tips – their passion might also give you the bug to try something new. Perhaps you haven’t considered doing what it is they’re doing, perhaps you thought you’d never be capable. Now though, through your newly established network you have the support to give it a try.

8. Compliment others

If you’ve noticed someone making leaps and bounds in their training, tell them. If you are jealous of their outrageously cool leggings, tell them. If they nailed their dancer’s pose beautifully, tell them. If they’ve moved up a weight, recognise their achievement by telling them. If you know they’ve done a 5km run at the weekend, ask them how it went and congratulate them.

Little compliments like these will lift people’s hearts and they’ll leave the gym with a spring in their step. They’re also more likely to stop and have a chat with you next time they see you.

9. Give someone a hand

You don’t always have to be an expert to help someone correct their posture, or try a new stretch that will do them a world of good. If you can do what they’re trying to do and you have the confidence and knowledge to deliver some helpful advice, share it. Seeing someone nail a yoga posture or a kettlebell swing based on the advice you have given is the best feeling in the world and better still it helps create trust which is the perfect foundation for friendship.

Share your love of what you do and inspire others

10. Welcome new members

Finally, be kind. Smile and acknowledge people who haven’t attended the class before. We all know what an instant relief it is when someone acknowledges our presence when we’re new and feeling nervous.

Just a mix of good old fashioned manners, kindness and enthusiasm can help you to meet amazing people who in time may become truly wonderful friends.

Hx

Why threatening cancer won’t stop people from eating red and processed meat

A poll completed by over 1000 students on The Student Room this week asked whether young people would continue to eat red or processed meat or change their habits. Over 60% said they would still eat red and processed meat compared to only 25% claiming that they would cut down. Staggeringly a third voted ‘I don’t care, everything gives you cancer these days’. The generation who have grown up with more food choices and more access to information than any other felt totally indifferent to the advice published by the World Health Organisation (WHO).

So why are people resisting changing their lifestyle or food habits and why hasn’t this global advisory had more impact? If we consider the psychology behind resistance and the emotions that power our food choices it’s clear that threat of cancer isn’t going to work.

The psychology of resistance

As human beings we oppose anything which attacks a belief we hold. Beliefs are glued in place by the emotions we attach to that particular thing. Diet and lifestyle choices have huge emotional ties. If I think back to the times when I used  to eat meat I have very fond memories of weekly family roast dinners, eating bacon sarnies in my pyjamas at a sleepover, being all wrapped up eating a hot dog loaded with caramelized onions on bonfire night and going out for brunch with my best friends. Many of us actually connect food with happy and sociable times, and it’s questionable as to whether this is really about the food at all. If you think about those happy times that are directly related to eating meat, you’re going to feel good and that is the positive emotion that is going to glue the habit of eating meat in place. It’s impossible to actually evoke a change in feeling because why would you would you want to feel any different – in your mind, right now, this isn’t actually a problem.

Similarly, we all from time to time, will eat food to comfort us and make ourselves feel better, the biscuits, the chocolate, the cheeseburger all become the soothing hug we need when we feel lonely, sad, unloved or miserable. When we indulge it makes us feel a little better because we get huge flood of the neurotransmitter dopamine which reinforces and encourages us to indulge in the thing that makes us feel good. So even though our logical mind may remind us that certain foods should perhaps be avoided, this becomes a tricky battle when our brain reminds us how much better we’ll feel if we eat the food anyway.

When the WHO published logical statements around the risks of eating meat and the connection with bowel cancer it was always hugely unlikely to make a big impact on people’s lifestyle choices because our patterns of behaviour are all held in our subconscious mind. This is where our beliefs are stored, which then powers our perceptions of the world. To change the way we eat, or think about eating, we have to do it at an emotional level.

Why diets don’t work 

Most of us at some point in our lives have tried some kind of diet plan. Think back to that time, did it actually work? If it didn’t work, that’s ok, it’s likely the the majority of us struggle to stay true to a diet plan. When considering the how the brain functions it’s easy to see why sticking to a can be difficult.

Diet plans are structured around the restriction of certain food groups, types of food or restricting calories. What they don’t take into account is how we feel about food, the way we live our lives or the emotions we hold about those types of food.

Unconsciously the feelings that we have about food will drive our cravings. All of us will have a go-to food which brings us comfort and this powers us to act on that craving. This means that if we want to stop craving or desiring that particular food we have to change how we feel about the food.

So is our love of certain foods stronger than our fear of chronic disease?

When you consider the way our brain functions it feels like a the most appropriate answer is yes. If this wasn’t the case the world would have stopped smoking for fear of lung cancer a long time ago. Our brains are genetically wired to continue to repeat activities that bring us pleasure and food makes us feel good. Although consciously we know certain their are risks attached to both smoking and eating certain foods over a long and sustained period of time our conscious mind will always become hijacked by our unconscious desires.

So if I want to change the way I eat what do I do?

• Reflect on your food habits, try to understand why you desire certain foods and why.
• Think about what’s happening in your life when you desire them, are you sad, stressed or lonely?
• Consider how you feel when you act on your craving or desire and choose to eat them.

By learning about the emotions and feelings you attach to food will start to help you unravel your habit. Also think about what is holding those habits in place and what is stopping you from making a change.

• Do you fear missing out on something?
• Fear of not being invited for dinner
• Fear of people judging your new choices.
• Do you feel like some of your food choices define who you are. For example are you known for making the best burgers or the best fry up? If you stop doing this how will that make you feel about yourself and what will fill the gap?

By understanding what fuels any habit we begin to empower ourselves to make a change at both an unconscious and conscious level. We begin to really get to know ourselves and can begin to build a solid foundation for creating the new habits that we desire.

I hope you’ve found this post interesting and if you have any questions at all just post me a comment.

Have a lovely weekend, 

Hx